Happy Birthday, Ranger
by legalliz
Summary: The title says it all. It's Ranger's birthday, but Stephanie can't let the day go unacknowledged. Will her birthday surprise turn out to be the perfect gift or another train wreck? Rated T for language.


_A/N: Sorry about the delay in updating my other story, but I've been waiting to write this one for a while. Happy birthday to one of my favorite fictional characters! If we go by the release dates for the books, you are definitely not thirty-five today, but I figure it's kind of like the Simpsons; you'll always stay in your thirties (lucky you ;) ). Anyway, enjoy everybody! Thanks for reading! Oh, and PS: sorry about any Spanish translation problems. I'm not an expert. Not even a novice really, so sorry for the errors._

My alarm went off at 4:30. I rolled out of bed and dropped into push-up position where I completed three sets of thirty-five. Thirty-five. One of these years I was going to have to start subtracting them rather than adding them. But until then, it was how I liked to celebrate my birthday. Three sets of the number of years I'd managed to dodge death.

I went for a thirty-five minute run in the gym and spent thirty-five minutes in quiet meditation before I returned to the apartment to shower. That was it. The only recognition I'd allow that I'd ticked off another numeric milestone.

I already knew my day at work wouldn't be any different. Only a handful of the guys knew when my birthday was anyway, and they knew not to acknowledge it. It wasn't that I had anything against birthdays per se. I didn't. I just didn't want all the crap that usually came with them.

Surprises, cake, candles. I hated all that shit. And don't even get me started on the presents. All the ribbons and bows and colorful, cartoony paper. Yeah, no thanks.

I just wanted a quiet day. A cold beer might be nice too, but I'd settle for the quiet day. It doesn't happen all that often around here.

I made my way downstairs and did my usual check-in with the control room. So far my birthday wish was coming true. No balloons, no streamers, and no crazies on the loose.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I glanced at the caller. Of course. The one person I couldn't tell to ignore my birthday. The woman who'd suffered and labored for hours on end so the whole thing could be possible in the first place.

"Hey, Mom," I answered.

"Feliz Cumpleaños!" she sang into the phone. (happy birthday)

"Thanks."

"Carlos," she scolded. "That is not how you're supposed to sound on your birthday. Where is the joy, my son? Today is a day of celebration!"

"Ah, but I am celebrating," I countered.

"Oh?"

"I've upped my exercise routine to ensure many more years of good health and prosperity."

I heard something that sounded an awful lot like a raspberry come through the speaker. I shook my head. "Did you just spit into the phone?"

"Well, someone has to call you out on your tough guy bullshit."

"Mom!"

"Sorry. Slip of the tongue. But you really should lighten up, sweetheart. Just once. Enjoy your day, my little Carlito."

I almost laughed. "I haven't been your _little_ Carlito for quite some time now."

"You'll _always_ be my little Carlito. Now go, do something fun. Life's meant to be lived, niño. Not smothered beneath some silly routine. Happy birthday, baby."

"Thanks, Mom."

The line went silent, and I put the phone back in my pocket. I felt marginally guilty knowing that I was going to completely ignore my mother's request. But I figured what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

I logged into my computer and pulled up my emails. One in particular caught my eye as I scanned through the list. It was from Stephanie's email address with a tagline that said "Top Secret." It had some kind of attachment. Larger file size. What were the odds she'd sent me some kinky bedroom pictures? Probably not that good. Even if she knew it was my birthday.

Regardless, I was intrigued, so I opened the email and twitched a small smile at the message inside. "Open if you dare…"

It was probably some prank the guys helped her put together. Or maybe she'd actually gone to the trouble of figuring out when my birthday was. Shit. Hopefully this wasn't the beginning of some corny-ass scavenger hunt.

I opened the file.

Stephanie's face suddenly filled the screen, but she didn't look all that happy. "Hector!" she snapped. "Would you quit laughing over there and give me a hand with this? Jeez! What are you? Five?" She tinkered with something and took a few steps back. "Is this thing on now?"

"Si, Estephania." Hector laughed.

"Good." She slapped on a dorky smile. "Hey Ranger. Hector said he'd edit out the parts of me being an incompetent, technology-challenged idiot, but if he doesn't you have my full permission to kick his ass."

"Eso es duro, bonita." (That's harsh, beautiful)

"Tough love, Hec," she called off screen.

"Anyway, congratulations! You've discovered my top secret message! Not that I made it super hard to find or anything. Because I obviously wanted you to find it. And I'm sure that smart little noggin of yours has already put two and two together. Yes, I know your dark little secret. On this day thirty-five years ago you entered the world, clothed in a black onesie and wearing a mini gun strapped to your hip. Your poor mother."

Her eyes brightened with a hint of mischief. "The only way you're getting me to stop telling people that is if you show me an authentic baby picture someday. Choice is yours, Batman. Now," she said, shifting her weight on her feet. "We have some business to attend to.

"I strategically left some ear buds in the middle drawer of your desk. I know how you like your privacy and all, so you can hook those bad boys up, and no one has to be the wiser about all the mushy stuff said on here. Sound good?"

I opened the drawer and pulled out the ear buds. She knew me too well.

"Great. Now on to the good stuff. I've known you for what? Five years now? Jeez, has it really been that long? Anyway, I know you're not into parties and balloons and cake, so I thought I'd make you this video instead. A 'Celebrating Ranger' kind of thing. Because even though you probably think you're just some guy, you're actually a pretty big deal to a lot of people. So. That being said, on with the show."

The video cut to Tank who looked like he could have been going in for a root canal. "No offense, Bomber, but this is bullshit."

"You can't say that!" Stephanie scolded in the background. "This is for Ranger's birthday."

I felt my shoulders shake in a silent laugh. Oh man.

Tank's eyes narrowed before he blew out a sigh. "Thanks for the war days," he grumbled. "And having my back."

"And?" Stephanie coaxed.

"And nothing. Now turn that shit off."

The video cut to Lester wearing a party hat with a birthday blower in his mouth. "Happy birthday, cuz!" he yelled. "You. Are. Da. Bomb, Bruh! A real first class badass with a heart of gold. And one scary-ass look of impending doom. Speaking of that heart of gold stuff, do you mind if I borrow the turbo a week from tomorrow? I got me a honey who really gets off on fast cars."

"Lester!"

"Right. Right. We'll discuss that later. Happy birthday, man. Make sure you celebrate the right way." He gave a blatant wink to the camera. "And don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Then the video cut to Bobby who was busy cleaning his gun. "What? You want me to wish _Ranger_ a happy birthday? Are you insane? That's like playing with a stick of dynamite in hell."

"Please? It would mean a lot to me. To him."

Bobby rolled his eyes and sighed. "You're not going to leave me alone until I do this, are you?"

"Nope."

"Shit."

"Happy…" she started saying for him.

"Happy. Birthday. Ranger."

"There. That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Bobby frowned. "I think I just lost my man card."

Next up was Hal. Poor Hal. He already looked like a deer in headlights.

"Hal? Didn't you have something you wanted to say?"

His eyes widened as he started rapidly shaking his head no.

"Aw, c'mon. It's just three little words, big guy."

His eyes got even bigger.

"Not _those_ three little words, you big dope! Jeez! What is it with everyone around here anyway? It's not like I'm asking you to hug it out and sing Kum Ba Yah together. I just wanted everyone to say happy birthday. To Ranger."

I could hear footsteps running off in the background.

"Hal! Come back here! Hal! _Hal!"_

The feed cut to Cal sitting restrained in a chair. He blew out an exasperated sigh.

"Tell me again why this demonstration couldn't wait until later?"

"I've got a busy day," Steph said. "Humor me."

"Fine. Whatever. So the trick to getting out of these cuffs is…"

"Hold up just a minute. First, could you do me a favor and read these signs for me?"

"Signs?" Cal squinted at the camera. "Happy…birthday…" His eyes widened. "Oh, no! No, no, no!"

"Please?"

"Nuh uh. Not a chance in hell." He rattled the cuffs behind him for a minute or two until his arms sprang free.

"What if I throw in a pizza?"

Cal dropped the cuffs on the floor. "Not for all the pizzas in the world, sweetheart."

I smirked. The guys I worked with were great.

Hector suddenly appeared on screen. He got really close to the camera and pointed a single finger to the tear drop tattoos beneath his eye.

"Dammit, Hector! Did you just threaten Ranger?"

He gave a singular nod followed by a sick, scary smile, and I heard Stephanie groan in the background. Then Hector added "hermano" quietly under his breath. (brother)

"What did you just say? Did you just call him something terrible? Hector!"

"Él sabe," he said and walked off. (he knows)

I heard some shuffling around behind the scenes before Stephanie came and sat in front of the camera again. She looked disheveled. Annoyed. Beautiful.

"Giant pains in the ass. Every last one of them," she muttered. "Well, as you can see, just like everything else in my life, this has turned into yet another giant train wreck. Guess you made your point loud and clear, Batman. No happy birthdays for you."

She let out a long, drawn-out sigh. Then she smiled. "Of course, that's not going to keep _me_ from wishing you a happy birthday. Because let's face it, without you in this world, I wouldn't be here. Like literally. You've saved my butt so many times, I've honestly lost count. And, you…" she started twisting her hands nervously in her lap. "You're like this great human being who keeps everyone safe and keeps fighting for good in the world. And, well, I guess I just wanted you to know that I'm really glad you took me on as your pain-in-the-ass protégé all those years ago. And you'll never be just _some guy_ to me. I just thought you should know that. So, happy birthday, Ranger. Here's to many more." She gave the camera a silly salute before getting up from the chair and disappearing somewhere off screen. Then suddenly she came running back.

"Oh, and I almost forgot. A bunch of us will be meeting up at Shorty's later. There won't be any presents, no streamers, no balloons. And definitely no cake. Just a few black-clad buffoons taking it easy after a hard day's work. And me, of course." She laughed at her own joke.

"If you decide to come by, I'll buy you a beer. And if you don't, I'll sic Hector on you." She grinned. "Just kidding. But you really should come by. Even if celebrating's not really your thing. Because it should be. So…come by. Or not. Whatever." She rolled her eyes, slid off the chair again, and the video went black.

I leaned back and smiled. Only Stephanie. She was right, the video was a complete train wreck. The kind that always crashed somewhere deep in my chest, leaving behind an odd mixture of pleasure and pain in its wake.

I found a thumb drive in my desk and saved the message to it before deleting the email. It was something I'd probably watch again next year. And the year after. Just for kicks.

I grabbed the ear buds and left my office to scan the floor for Stephanie. She was sitting at her desk mainlining donuts. Probably nervous about my reaction to the email. I stopped, and she looked up at me with a timid smile.

"Hey."

"Donuts aren't allowed on five."

"Oh. Right." She sucked the residual icing from her fingers and crumpled up the bag. "Sorry. I forgot."

Stephanie "forgets" the donut rule at least twice a week. But usually she's a bit more discreet with the evidence.

"I found these in my desk," I said, tossing her the ear buds.

"Oh?"

"They're yours, aren't they?"

She gave me a look. "They might be. Did you find anything else this morning?"

I shrugged. "I need your help with something downstairs."

"Help with what exactly?"

"Something _top secret_."

She narrowed her eyes but followed me to the elevator anyway. We rode in silence down to the firing range.

"Crap," she muttered. "I get to be your target today, don't I?"

My mouth twitched. "Not this time."

I pulled her down the walkway to the last stall and reached under the counter for the Tupperware container I knew would be waiting there. Her eyes widened.

"That isn't a collection of thumbs from people who've wished you happy birthdays in the past, is it?"

"Babe."

"Well, is it?"

I popped the lid, and her eyes got even bigger.

"That's…a slice of cake," she said in obvious disbelief.

"Affirmative."

"And why might you have a slice of cake hidden down here?"

I shrugged. "Let's just say you're not the only one who thinks birthdays should be celebrated. Ella leaves me a slice here every year. And Tank usually _disposes_ of it before anyone notices."

Steph just stood there staring at me like I belonged in an institution. I handed her a fork.

"But it's _your_ birthday," she protested.

"You can think of it as a thank-you."

She stared me down for another minute or so before she caved and took a reluctant bite of Ella's confectionary masterpiece. Her eyes rolled back in her head.

"God, that's _so_ good! All rich and gooey, and… Oh man. And you forego eating this every year? That is wrong on so many levels."

I stood watching her as the cake disappeared.

"Thanks for the email, babe. It was the best birthday present I've had in a while."

She made a face. "You really need to get out more."

I took a step closer to her and brushed a soft kiss to her lips. "Maybe."

Her eyebrows lifted in surprise. "Does that mean you'll come by Shorty's later?"

"As long as all hell doesn't break loose before then."

"Really?" She couldn't have looked more excited if I'd told her she'd just won the lottery.

"From what I hear, there's already a cold beer with my name on it."

She tapped her chin with a finger. "And what if there was a cake too?"

"Don't push it," I growled playfully.

Her arms suddenly wrapped around me in a heartfelt embrace. "Happy birthday, Ranger."

My mouth tipped into a small smile. I had a feeling it was going to be.


End file.
